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Who are you?

Who do you want to be?

Two different questions but sometimes I feel like we answer the first like we are answering the second.

You see someone’s really cool instagram picture and decide, you too, want to move to an island and eat all fruits and do yoga consistently. Even though you’ve never been on an island in your life and the last time you tried to do yoga you couldn’t stop laughing to hold a pose.

But the next day, you watch a Gossip Girl, and decide you want to move to New York and wear heels everyday.

I don’t know if anyone else can relate to this, but as an enneagram nine, I struggle with identity. I changed my mind on what I should major in about a thousand times and have a new life plan every three days. As the great Hannah Montana once said, “You can change your hair and you can change your clothes, you can change your mind that’s just the way it goes. You can say goodbye and you can say hello, but you’ll always find your way back home.”

You can chose daily who you want to be. You can change friends, change styles, change majors, quit your job, quit your habits, start new habits, etc.

But who ARE you? How do you know?

In quarantine, I’ve had a lot of time to think (too much time, perhaps) and identity keeps coming up. I think quarantine is a defining time of identity. You can say all you want that you love to workout, that you love baking, that you are an avid reader… but what did you do when you had all the time in the world? Who were you when no one was watching, when there was nothing to post? I think how we chose to spend our social distancing says a lot about who we are.

We had all the time in the world to pray, to read our bibles, to be intentional with the people around us… did we take it?
The truth is, whether we know who we are or not, God does. Psalm 139:1-3 says, “O LORD you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.” The LORD knows our true selves, He knows our hearts. All this time at home didn’t surprise Him. Take comfort in the fact that you are truly loved by someone who truly knows you.

And know that we can decide today that we want to be better. Maybe you didn’t make the most of quarantine so far, but now you have so much time to make who you want to be, who you are.

Anna Klepzig | SHPC Youth Intern